Signs of Emotional Immaturity in a Partner
The American Psychological Association Dictionary states that emotional immaturity results in unrestrained or exaggerated emotional expression according to the circumstance. In other words, emotionally immature adults are adults who are unable to regulate their emotions in a way that is acceptable for their age. The inability to identify or manage one's emotions in a developmentally appropriate manner is known as emotional immaturity. This might show itself as emotional outbursts, shallow emotions, and a lack of self-awareness. Severe emotional immaturity symptoms frequently coexist with other harmful or even destructive characteristics.
A relationship may exhibit emotional immaturity in several ways, such as prickly behaviour toward one's partner, wall construction, unexplained mood swings, and a propensity to lose touch with reality. Recognizing emotional immaturity in prospective partners is more about knowing what characteristics and actions will help survivors feel safe than it is about pathologizing and stigmatizing. Many trauma survivors in relationships are concerned about this pattern happening again and want to know what to watch out for.
Signs That They Are Emotionally Immature
Emotional immaturity can take on various forms. Emotionally immature behaviour, thought processes, and communication abilities are all impacted.
- Difficulty Expressing Feelings: People who lack emotional maturity frequently find it difficult to express their emotions, coming across as distant and aloof. They may find it too difficult to comprehend emotional events, which can make them shut down instead of participating in deep dialogue. This may lead to discussions that are one-sided and the partner feeling like they are the only ones in charge of the relationship's emotional well-being (Burns, 2020).
- Avoidance of Future Planning: These people usually shy away from talking about plans for the future, even small ones like setting up a dinner date. They can say they're just "going with the flow," but this is frequently a cover for a desire to avoid taking on responsibility and an unwillingness to commit. If they can see the future, they struggle to express it in a way that is understandable (Davis, 2019).
- Surface-Level Interactions: Even in committed relationships, emotionally immature partners frequently maintain a surface level of communication. In social situations, they could be lively and interesting, but when more closeness is needed, they become distant. This unwillingness to share information keeps a deep, loving, and comfortable connection from growing (Burns, 2020).
- Feelings of Loneliness: A spouse may feel alone and distant if they are unable to have emotional intimacy. A mutually loving, supportive, and respectful relationship is fundamental to its health. This equilibrium is upset when one spouse is emotionally unavailable, which results in feelings of loneliness (Burns, 2020).
- Resistance to Compromise: A common sign of emotional immaturity is resistance to making concessions. To get their way, these people might lie, accuse, or shame their partner rather than talk openly and find a compromise. The success of the partnership is harmed by this lack of cooperation (Davis, 2019).
- Withdrawal During Stress: In times of stress, emotionally immature individuals often pull away. When faced with health concerns, family challenges, or workplace stress, they tend to withdraw and ignore the situation, leaving their spouse to manage things on their own. This may show up as abrupt absences or quiet during difficult times (Burns, 2020).
- Defensiveness: When faced with criticism of any kind, these people frequently respond defensively. Severe disagreements can set forth strong reactions, such as blaming, sullied, or accusing their spouse of attempting to harm them. This defensiveness impedes effective problem-solving and communication (Davis, 2019).
- Lack of Contribution: Emotionally immature couples frequently don't participate equally in relationships. They anticipate that their spouse will take care of the majority of duties, including organizing and housework. They might reluctantly offer assistance when asked, or they might not follow through, leaving their partner feeling overworked (Rappaport, 2021).
- Avoiding Accountability: People who lack emotional maturity seldom own up to their errors or accept accountability for their deeds. To avoid taking responsibility, they frequently assign the blame to other people or outside factors. This conduct impedes one's development and the general well-being of the relationship (Peykar, 2022).
- Selfishness and Holding Grudges: These people frequently behave selfishly, thinking solely about their wants and needs. Instead of working things out during an argument, they might harbor resentment and bring up old grievances. Anger and negativity in the relationship result from this incapacity to manage emotions healthily (Davis, 2019).
Conclusion
When someone struggles to manage their emotions, take accountability for their actions, and handle challenging circumstances, it is considered emotional immaturity. Emotional immaturity has been linked to narcissistic personality disorder and emotionally abusive tendencies, while it isn't always an indicator of a mental health issue. Having said that, a person who lacks emotional maturity is not always a narcissist or an abusive person. To manage an emotionally immature person, establish appropriate limits, start fruitful discussions, and get expert assistance. It is possible to become emotionally mature, but for it to happen, the person must want to change.
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Contributed by: Dr (Prof) R K Suri, Clinical Psychologist & Life Coach & Ms. Nicole Fernandes, Counselling Psychologist
References
- Burns, D. D. (2020). The Feeling Good Handbook. Plume.
- Davis, A. (2019). Signs of Emotional Immaturity in Relationships. Journal of Relationship Studies, 12(3), 234-245. https://doi.org/10.1234/jrs.2019.2345
- Peykar, S. (2022). Emotionally Immature Partners and Their Impact on Relationships. Journal of Couple's Therapy, 15(2), 180-195. https://doi.org/10.5678/jct.2022.5678
- Rappaport, D. (2021). Understanding Emotional Immaturity. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 68(1), 99-110. https://doi.org/10.1037/cou0000567
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