11 Important Signs of Gas Lighting in Relationship and at Workplace
The question doesn’t arise out of curiosity but it is a matter of taking care of one’s mind. Is there anybody that is influencing my mind to extreme destruction of life? Is somebody compelling me with its true lies? Am I tarnishing my own image?
People who never let you realize these questions Gaslight you. They let you question your reality by using certain tricks. They play with your mind strategically and know the words to move your mind so that you blame yourself.
It happens in relationships too. If your partner is gaslighting you, you are twisted. Whatever they make you see, feel, or hear is false. You deny others and believe in their lies. They project as if their actions are justified. You become trapped in a web of words and align people against you. They provoke negative emotions, make you accept that you are 'crazy'. You are brainwashed and labeled as a liar to others and vice-versa. You become wounded from inside. It's a kind of unconscious emotional abuse.
Signs that you are gaslighted:
1. "You're at fault."
2. "You're so sensitive."
3. "You must be confused again."
4. "You're being trapped."
5. "She's backbiting."
6. "You're upset over nothing."
7. "You're remembering things wrong."
8. "It's always something with you."
9. "You need help."
10. "You're overreacting."
Signs of the person who gaslight you
1. "I never said that."
2. "I didn't do that."
3. "I was just joking."
4. "I'm caring and you're being rude to me."
5. "There's always drama with you."
6. "I was actually trying to help you."
7. "I don't know what you're talking about."
8. "You're trying to change the subject."
9. "Stop being so paranoid about things."
10. "You didn't remember, right?"
Gaslighting at workplace
It happens in the workplace too. The vicious behavior of a colleague is complicated to identify. They pretend to be your friend but they're your enemies. You think that they are supporting you in your problem but in reality, they are the ones who have put you in that problem. They witness it, feel the effects of it, or stumble upon it, and see that it is a potent tool to let someone down.
Signs of being gaslighted at work
1. Take credit for your work
2. Ridicule you in front of other employees
3. Pretend not to understand you
4. Falsify evaluations
5. Blame everything on you
6. Question your memory of events
7. Cancel scheduled events and don’t tell you
8. Spread lies and deny doing so if confronted
How can you save yourself from such a partner in relationships or at work?
1. Protect yourself
Gaslighters have low self- esteem and confidence. Instead of expecting a change in them, try to recognize the signs and protect yourself from their negative words.
2. Maintain distance
Give a break to your relationship. Minimize the contact or shut it. They attack your self-esteem. If your colleague is gaslighting you, ask human resources to reduce your time with the person. If it's your boss, request a transfer or look for a new job.
3. Seek support
Tell everything to a friend whom you trust. The gaslighter may make you feel incompetent. Building up trust in someone honest will provide you emotional support and strength to deal with the person.
4. Maintain diary
Keep notes of their everyday statements so that it helps at the time of confrontation. Write everything in detail like what happened, how you felt, how things went wrong, etc. Record the names of witnesses. You need evidence.
5. Self-belief
Solidify belief in yourself. Begin with forming self-affirmations every day. It will help to keep your spirits up and weakens their manipulation. Always remember that you can deal with such people. Stay positive.
6. Counselling
Reach out to a professional for help as being subject to gaslighting is a hard experience. To recover, you have to focus on your feelings and a counselor will help you in that. Gaslighting affects your thought process and you stop considering your thoughts because you have been criticized for a long time. You need to understand that your feelings matter the most so give yourself time to feel angry and hurt. This is how you heal yourself.
Surround yourself with people who love you (we’re not just talking about co-workers), and remind yourself often of what you’re good at. Where possible, only use written means of communications with a potential gaslighter, so you have tangible proof to refer to in times of doubt.
One thing that you need to know is you can repair the damage. You can gain the same confidence and self-esteem that you had earlier by focussing on your thoughts and feelings and not to forget your counselor.
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